It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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