a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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