k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize