I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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