Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
