does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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