I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
