i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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