hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
