Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
