I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
