But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
