I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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