I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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