She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
