so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
