I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
