I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
