Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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