that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
