Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
