youre lurking in front of me
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
