Duck Duck Cougar?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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