Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize