i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
