we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
