i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
