Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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