I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
