How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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