that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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