I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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