you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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