there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
