You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
