Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
