im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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