And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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