I just pynch a tree in the face
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize