He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
