Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
