I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize