I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
