It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
