she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
