I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I love you.
Bad choice
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
