It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
