I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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