He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
