I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
