He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize