I cannot find my penis.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
