dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
