woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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