i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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