My first STD was from a foam party
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
