She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
