I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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