you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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