Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
