You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
