you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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