I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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