stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize