You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
