Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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