i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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